If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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