Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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