I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
