To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
