Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
