I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
