if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
