do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the day after is always just damage control
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
