oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
