i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
