Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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