If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
