wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
