im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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