I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
