there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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