im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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