if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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