you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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