I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
