Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
