did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
