My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
