Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
