have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
