so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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