Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
