Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
