He kissed a someone with a penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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