Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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