I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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