just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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