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I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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