Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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