im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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