Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
