He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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