Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
