You're so nebulous sometimes
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
