R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize