they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
