I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
