It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
