we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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