omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
