I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
In America we eat man semen.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
