I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
