If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
