I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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