Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
