I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
