I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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